A Pervert's Bet, A Lady's Misfortune
by Nightmare Hikari
Summary: Jiraiya makes a bet with Tsunade while playing poker. What will happen when Tsunade loses?


**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters!

**Note**: _Italic_ writing is thought. **Bold** writing is yelling. Now, onto the story!

**Sorry the ending isn't all that great. I was kind of stuck.**

Jiraiya was walking back to Konoha after some training for some lunch. He was nearing the gate when he heard a feminine voice singing.

"The young ladies must be bathing near the falls today" he said with a grin. "I should go get more inspiration for my books."

He loved to see them in their bikinis.

He turned around and went to the falls, but nobody was there! _Where could those cuties be?_ he thought to himself. Suddenly he heard the singing again. It was coming from the waterfall. He saw something move behind it. He crept around the pond at the base of the waterfall, carefully avoiding the loose rocks. The water was falling down in an arch, so he could get behind it rather easily. He looked around for the singing girl. There was a large cavern ahead of him with some reeds growing out of the water. The water was about 3 feet deep, so he had to be careful not to make noise. He traveled on and saw who was singing. She was not a young girl like he had thought, but an older woman. She was fairly attractive, with a slim waist, long blond hair, and a pretty face. However, there was one thing that attracted him more. Her breasts were very large. He hid in some reeds and watched avidly as she bathed. Unfortunately he didn't see the moss on the rocks on the cavern floor. His hand slipped and made a soft splash. The resulting sound echoed off the cavern walls. The woman froze and looked around.

"WHO'S THERE?" the woman yelled. "COME OUT AND SHOW YOURSELF YOU DIRTY PERVERT!"

_I think it's time to leave_ Jiraiya thought as he started tiptoeing back to the waterfall.

_

* * *

_

_I can't believe it! _Tsunade thought angrily._ I knew I sensed someone around, but I was stupid and ignored it. This is just great. I'm finally able to have some alone time and I'm being stared at by some pervert who needs a new hobby._

She ran to a mossy rock where she left her clothes and put them on hastily.

She heard the person who had been watching her splashing as they tried to escape from the cavern and started running to the waterfall to catch them. She ran through the waterfall and saw Jiraiya slip and fall at the edge of the pond. He got up and ran into the woods.

Tsunade ran after him, yelling "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU JIRAIYA!"

Jiraiya started running faster and collided into somebody. They both fell.

"Hey, what's the big idea? The girl yelled. She got up and brushed herself off. "Why were you running?"

For a moment Jiraiya didn't move. He was too busy staring at the girl through the thin, wispy clouds surrounding her. She was young, beautiful, and thin, with long legs and long blond hair in pigtails.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about the jutsu" she said and made some hand signs. There was a poof of smoke and in the place the girl had been was Naruto.

Jiraiya stopped staring and said, while breathing heavily "A wom…woman is ch…chasing me".

"Were you spying on her while she was bathing?" Naruto asked.

"Well… yes" he replied timidly.

"Well then, you deserve it" Naruto said. "Maybe this will discourage you from being such a pervert in the future".

"I FINALLY CAUGHT YOU!" Tsunade yelled as she tackled Jiraiya to the ground. "WHAT WAS THE BIG IDEA SPYING ON ME LIKE THAT?"

"I…I…I was just… I just heard someone singing and followed the sound to where you were and…well, you know the rest" Jiraiya finished somewhat lamely.

"WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE STARED AT ME LIKE A PERVERT!" Tsunade said angrily. "YOU SHOULD'VE JUST LEFT LIKE A GENTLMAN WOULD HAVE".

"I guess I just couldn't help myself," he said. "You were just so beautiful".

"I'LL SHOW YOU COULDN'T HELP YOURSELF!" she yelled.

They started fighting. Kunai started flying in all directions and Jiraiya is heard screaming in the background.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Naruto yelled over the racket.

The dust clears and Tsunade is seen punching Jiraiya once more.

"I was…bathing and this pervert… was staring at me like…I was some sort of circus attraction" she told Naruto through heavy breaths.

Suddenly Orochimaru came out of the woods and said "Hey Tsunade, can I help you kill him?

"Sure, why not?"

"Summoning jutsu snake style" Orochimaru says.

They start fighting again and Jiraiya can be heard begging for mercy. A snake is also hissing.

"Ouch! Hiss…Hey watch that snake…hiss…AAAAHHHH…can we just stop for a minute? I have an idea."

The dust clears once again and Orochimaru and Tsunade are standing near Jiraiya.

"I'm afraid I have some plans now" Orochimaru says. "I trust you can handle him without me?" He jumps into the trees and disappears.

"Of course I can" she said. "What's your idea anyway?" Tsunade asked after Orochimaru left.

"We could play poker" he suggested.

"How would that help solve your perverted problems?" Tsunade asked.

"We could make a bet" he said. "If you win, you can kill me if I spy on you again".

"And if you win…" Tsunade asked.

"If I win, you have to take a bath with me.

"No" she said. "Why should I play poker for the right to kill you when I could finish you off right now?"

"Are you refusing just because you're afraid to lose?" Jiraiya taunted.

An angry glare appeared in Tsunade's eyes. _Well,_ _I've played poker in the taverns before a few times and won most of the time. I suppose it couldn't hurt_ Tsunade thought to herself. "You're on, Jiraiya. We'll meet in the tavern at 8:00".

"Wonderful" Jiraiya said, smirking. "I'll see you then".

"What is going on here?" Naruto asked.

"Go away, Naruto" Jiraiya said with a devious grin. He leaned toward Naruto's ear and whispers. "This won't be for children to see".

"Whatever" Naruto said as he walks away. _They act more childish than I do_ Naruto thought to himself.

* * *

At 7:45 Tsunade started walking to the tavern. 

_I'll show you Jiraiya _she said. _His eyes will be the first things to go. That way, he can't spy on me or anyone else anymore. After that, I guess anything goes _she thought vengefully _quite literally._

She opened the door and walked over to the bar. The tavern was empty except for the bartender .She bought a beer and asked the bartender if he has seen Jiraiya yet.

"No, I haven't" he said. "What's he done now?"

"Let's just say he's going to be hurting for what he did," she said through gritted teeth.

Time ticks by. At 9:15 Jiraiya finally walked in, grinning. He saw an angry Tsunade and the grin disappeared from his face.

"Sorry I'm late, I…was just… doing some research for my books" he said quickly.

"You're way past late. Technically, you forfeit, that is, according to the bet rule of 8:00" she replied irritably. "Let's just get this done and over with".

She walked over to an empty table and sat down in a chair. He brought over a chair and joined her at the table, cards in his hand.

There was a slight breeze and they both turned to the door and see Orochimaru come in. He saw them and came over to their table.

"Awesome, it looks like I'm just in time" Orochimaru said. What are you playing?"

"Strip poker" Jiraiya said with a grin. "You can join us if you want to".

"JIRAIYA, YOU DIDN'T SAY WE WERE PLAYING STRIP POKER!" Tsunade shrieked angrily.

"I said poker, but I didn't say what kind of poker I meant" Jiraiya said. "If I said strip poker, you wouldn't have taken the bet"

_Jiraiya, you better run away and hide after I win because I'm going to hurt you for this if it's the last thing I do!_ Tsunade thought. _Well if I win I'll get to humiliate both of them, so this could work out to my advantage._

The bartender went into the back room to look for a special wine.

"All right" Orochimaru said excitedly. "Let's play"

* * *

An hour later, Tsunade was crying, her face in her hands. 

"How could I lose?" she said thickly as she put all her clothes back on. "I always won here before".

"I'll expect you at the baths at 9:00 AM tomorrow" Jiraiya said smugly, grinning. "And you will be naked in the tub with me. That reminds me… I'll have to buy some wine or champagne for us"

"WHAT? Naked?" she screeched. "Do you have any idea how perverted you are?" Then she thought of a way to get out of the bet with her dignity intact. "How are we going to bathe together if I can't go in the men's bath and you can't go in the women's bath?"

"Don't you worry your pretty little head about that little problem" Jiraiya said. "I made some…shall we say…arrangements already"

"Jiraiya, nice trick" Orochimaru said as he stood up and pushed his chair in. "Unfortunately, I have to leave. There's something I have to do in the morning and I want to be well rested for it"

"I hope we see you again soon" Jiraiya said. "Maybe you can join us for a game again"

"That would be fun. I'll see what I can do" Orochimaru said as he turned to leave. "Good night, and…uh…pleasant dreams" he finished as he looked at his old teammates and snickered.

He left the tavern. A cool breeze signaled his departure.

_Oh, great. Now how do I get out of this bet? _Tsunade thought hopelessly. _I'll have to get Orochimaru back for this now too._

"Now if you will excuse me, I think I'll turn in for the night" Jiraiya said happily. "I'll see you tomorrow"

"Unfortunately, you will" Tsunade said, also getting out of her seat.

_He's lucky he's leaving and we're in a public place because I'd love to slap that smug grin off of his face and shove it up his… well, too late now_ Tsunade thought angrily to herself.

She got up and left the hot and stuffy tavern. The cool night breeze felt good on her skin as she walked home miserably.

* * *

At 7:00 AM the alarm clock rang loudly, disturbing Tsunade's dream about her pushing Jiraiya off of a cliff and walking away laughing. She only got about two hours of sleep. 

_I wish I could just lay here until tomorrow_ she sighed. _Well, a bet is a bet, and I wouldn't be an honorable ninja if I went back on my word. But still…_

She slowly climbed out of bed and got dressed. She went down to the kitchen for breakfast, but the thought of what was going to happen in less than two hours made her more nauseous than hungry. She left and started walking slowly to the tavern.

_If I am going to fulfill this bet, I'd rather be drunk_ Tsunade thought miserably as she ordered a beer from the bartender.

After three beers she left the tavern out of anxiety at 8:00.

_I'm not drunk yet, but I just cannot sit at the bar anymore worrying_ Tsunade thought as she wandered around the village, passing many shops where business was being conducted. She passed a group of small children playing with a ball. One of them, a boy with dark hair, kicked it and it rolled out into the street in front of Tsunade. She picked it up as the boy ran over and handed it to him. He said thank you, smiled, and ran back to the other children as she continued her wandering.

Before she knew it it was 8:45.

_Where does the time go? _Tsunade thought to herself. _Well, I better just get this over with._

She walked to the baths and reluctantly asked the owner if he knew where Jiraiya was.

_Please say he's not here, please say he's not here, please say he's not here!_ Tsunade prayed in her head.

"Oh, you must be the lady friend that he told me was coming to see him" the owner said, holding back laughter. "He … invested some money here yesterday and I reserved one of the best baths for you two. Follow me"

_More like he bribed you_ Tsunade thought to herself as he led her down a corridor and into a small but cozy bath. Jiraiya turned around as they entered. He was wearing a white robe.

"Well, I was just beginning to wonder where you were" Jiraiya said with a grin. "I knew you'd come, seeing as you begged me for some alone time"

Tsunade glared at him angrily.

_He better hold his tongue before I drown him_ she thought. _Oh, how I'd like to drown him. I wonder if you can hear a scream through these walls…_

The owner left and shut the door behind him. He could be heard laughing hysterically outside.

She turned to stare at the door _.I'd like to drown him too_ Tsunade thought.

"Well, are you coming in or not?" Jiraiya asked as he removed the robe, stepped into the bath, and sat down. "The water will get cold if you don't hurry"

She walked over to the bath, sat down about a foot away from him, lifted her skirt slightly and stuck her feet in the water.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe our agreement had something to do with you being _naked_ and _in_ the bath" Jiraiya said. "Why don't you move closer? I won't bite"

_You have to ask why?_ Tsunade thought as she lifted her feet out of the warm water and walked over to a corner to undress. _CURSE YOU TO HELL JIRAIYA, CURSE YOU!_

She undressed quickly and tried to find the place where Jiraiya would see the least of her.

"You can come sit right near me" Jiraiya said. She reluctantly sat down in the water next to him. "Isn't that nice?"

_I'll show you nice in a minute_ Tsunade said between gritted teeth.

"Yeah, this is lovely" she said sarcastically. "I've always wanted to sit naked in a bath with you"

"I knew you liked me" he said. "I was just waiting for you to realize it"

_Yeah, right, if you say so _Tsunade thought, grimacing. _EEEWWW! That is such a revolting thought!_

"Shall we have some wine?" Jiraiya asked, startling Tsunade out of her thoughts.

"Sure, whatever" she replied sourly.

Jiraiya pulled 2 glasses, a bottle of wine, and a bottle opener out of a bag by the bath. He opened the bottle and poured them each a glass.

"Cheers" he said and they clinked their glasses together.

_Yes, cheers to your demise_ Tsunade thought as she sipped her wine. Then another thought hit her. _Maybe if I'm nice to him, he'll let me go home early. If that plan fails though, I could use force and run away if necessary._

"Oh, Jiraiya, that trick you pulled on me was so brilliant" Tsunade cooed seductively. "Your muscles must be so tense from following through with the trick. Let me massage them"

She stepped out of the bath, sat down behind him, and started to massage his shoulders and neck. He started to relax almost immediately.

_Why is she being so nice all of the sudden?_ Jiraiya thought. _She must be up to something… but who cares about that. I'm getting a free massage from a hot chic._

_That's it, Jiraiya _Tsunade thought_. Keep relaxing and lower your guard._

"Could you be a sweetheart and pour me some more wine, Jiraiya baby?" Tsunade asked softly, continuing to massage his shoulders.

"I'd be happy to" he said as he reached for the wine bottle and refilled the glass Tsunade held out to him.

He refilled his own glass, put the cork back in the bottle, and set it on the edge of the bath. They both took a sip and set their glasses down next to the wine bottle.

_You don't want to know what I'd be happy to do, especially to you_ Tsunade thought as she sipped her wine. _This torture will be worth it though if he'll let me leave and he doesn't tell anyone about this horrible situation._

An hour later, they had drunk the whole bottle of wine. Jiraiya was almost drunk, which is just how Tsunade wanted him. Now was her time to ask to leave.

"Jiraiya, honey, there's no more wine left" Tsunade cooed in the most seductive voice she could manage. "I'll go get dressed and get some more at a wine stand and come back"

"Don't worry, I have another bottle in the bag" Jiraiya said, almost falling over in the water.

Tsunade caught him and pulled him into a sitting position on the side of the bath.

_I can't believe I'm saving this idiot pervert's life after he spied on me and tricked me into living out one of his twisted fantasies_ Tsunade thought. _I guess I owe him that much, seeing as he was one of my teammates years ago and all._

Suddenly Jiraiya fell over onto the floor, sound asleep.

YYYYEEEESSSS! I'M FREE! Tsunade thought happily. _With luck, he won't remember any of this bath situation and I won't be embarrassed._

She got to her feet, careful not to wake up Jiraiya, and hurried over to her clothes. She hastily put them on and hurried out the door. She practically ran through the village all the way back home and into her room. In her room, she ran over to a painting and pulled on one side. It swung open on two hinges and she removed a bag of chocolate and swung the painting back toward the wall. She practically danced over to her bed and lay down. She took out a small piece and put it on her tongue, letting it melt slowly.

_Sweet freedom, I love you!_ Tsunade thought as she put another piece of chocolate in her mouth.

* * *

She lay on her bed for about an hour and finally got up to eat some lunch. She got up, put the bag of chocolate back behind the painting and went to the kitchen. 

_I'd like to go out for lunch, but I don't want to be seen by someone who knew about the bet _Tsunade thought as she began cooking some ramen on the stove. _It's strange. I wasn't hungry at all this morning, but now I'm famished._

She finished cooking, set her bowl down on the island in front of a stool in the kitchen and sat down on the stool to eat. She hummed a tune while she ate. She was startled by the sound of footsteps as someone entered the kitchen.

"Oh…if you were hungry, I could've made something for you" one of the servants, a young woman, said quietly. "You're unusually happy today. Did something good happen?"

"Oh, it was nothing" Tsunade said. "I'm just enjoying the day"

"Well, I'm glad you are in a good mood" the woman said. "If you don't need me to do anything, I'll take my leave and finish my work"

"Please, take the day off" Tsunade said with a smile. "You work so hard. You should take a break on such a nice day. Why don't you go home early and spend some time with your husband and son?"

"That would by wonderful" the woman said, surprised. "Thank you so much for your kindness".

The woman curtsied and walked to the front door. She paused, and then left. Tsunade heard the door shut softly behind her.

_Have fun today_ Tsunade said. _I know I will._

When she was done eating, Tsunade washed her dishes and put them away. Then she walked upstairs and onto the balcony and sat down in one of the chairs. The balcony faced the backyard and Tsunade watched the fish swim gracefully in the pond, their scales reflecting the afternoon sunlight.

_This is the life_ she thought as she fell asleep.

Tsunade awoke to one of the servants, a young girl, shaking her gently.

"Madam…Madam" the girl said.

"What's the matter?" Tsunade asked sleepily.

"I…I just thought you wouldn't want to sleep out here all night with the insects and all"

"Yes…I suppose it wouldn't be wise" Tsunade said as she stood up and headed for the door with the girl following behind her. "What time is it anyway?"

"It's 8:00 Madam" the girl said as she gathered the cleaning supplies she used and left in the hall and put them back in the hall closet. "If you don't need me anymore tonight, I must get home to my family".

"Yes, of course. Give my best regards to your family" Tsunade said as she headed to her room. "Oh…and thank you for waking me up. Good night" she said as the girl closed the closet door and headed to the stairs.

She put on her pajamas and crawled into bed as the front door shut downstairs. She fell asleep and dreamt pleasant, Jiraiya free dreams all night.

_

* * *

_Jiraiya dreamed. 

He was awakened by the owner hitting him on the head with the empty wine bottle.

"You paid me to let the lady in one of the men's baths for ONE day" the owner said as he threw Jiraiya his clothes from the side of the bath. "Now get dressed, gather your things and leave!"

"Ow…why'd you hit me?" Jiraiya said, massaging his head where the wine bottle hit. "It's bad enough I have a hangover and then you hit me and … wait, where did she go? And what time is it?"

"She probably left to find someone who wasn't a drunken fool" the owner said as he jammed the empty wine bottle and the rest of Jiraiya's belongings into the bag by the bath and set it by Jiraiya's feet. "And it's 10:00. You're lucky I let you stay overnight"

Jiraiya stood up, swaying a bit and holding his head.

"Come on, you lazy lump, get out of my bath house" the owner said angrily as he walked to the door and opened it. "When I come back in 10 minutes you'd better be gone". He slammed the door shut and departed.

_Why does he have to yell and slam the door so loud when I have a headache?_ Jiraiya groaned as he staggered to his feet and got dressed. He picked up his bag and left to find a quiet place to sleep away the headache. Children laughed and played in the streets while people conducted business. Their voices seemed like an endless roar in Jiraiya's ears.

_The village is so noisy!_ he groaned. _Why are people shouting so much?_

Jiraiya walked through the village to the gate.

_The woods will be quiet this time of day_ he thought. _I'll go there and rest._

Jiraiya walked through the gate and into the woods.

* * *

Tsunade woke up at 9:00 to a sound outside the door. She yawned as the servant girl from the night before opened the door a crack. 

"Oh, I'm sorry Madam" she said apologetically, blushing. "I thought your room was vacant. I was just starting my cleaning early"

"It's alright. I should've gotten up anyway" Tsunade said, yawning again. She got out from under the blankets and sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her alarm clock. "It's 9:00 already. Time sure does fly. You don't have to clean my room today. All it needs is the bed made anyway. I'll do it myself"

"Well…if you insist" the girl said timidly. She started closing the door, but stopped. "Would you like me to make you something for breakfast?"

"I can do that myself" Tsunade said. "Thank you for offering though"

"You're welcome" the girl blushed again and closed the door. Tsunade heard her footsteps as she walked down the hall to the next room.

She got dressed and went down to the kitchen. She made a bowl of oatmeal and walked out onto the patio and sat down on a bench. When she was finished eating she rinsed her bowl out and walked to the door.

_I should probably make my rounds around the village_ Tsunade thought_. I'll just have to watch for Jiraiya though. He was out cold when I left, but that doesn't mean he won't remember the bet at all. _

Tsunade finished her walk around the village and decided to go train at her favorite place in the woods. She left the village.

Half an hour later she arrived at her destination. There was a river that bordered the woods. A pleasant breeze was blowing and the sun was shining.

Tsunade sat under a tree and relaxed to the sound of the river running slowly.

_This is so peaceful_ she thought. _I should come here more often._

* * *

"This tree looks comfortable" Jiraiya said. "I'll rest here" 

He set his bag down on the ground and slowly climbed up the tree. He found a lower branch and started to doze.

"What's that buzzing sound?" Jiraiya halfway opened one of his eyes to see.

There was a beehive on the ground and a lot of bees were swarming out of it.

"I must have knocked down a beehive" Jiraiya laughed dreamily to himself. "Wait a minute…oh crap…A BEEHIVE! OW OW OW OW. SLAM"

The bees swarmed around Jiraiya and began stinging him. He screamed and fell out of the tree.

_I've got to get away from here_ Jiraiya thought as he grabbed his bag and started running away. The bees followed him.

Jiraiya continued to run and looked back. The swarm was out of sight, but their buzzing could still be heard.

_I think they're running out of energy_ he panted. _At least I hope so._

Suddenly he tripped over something and fell flat on his face.

"Ouch, that hurt" he said as he got to his feet.

"Ow" Tsunade yipped. "Hey watch it you…oh no…it's you"

Tsunade stood up and started backing away.

"I…have to …be somewhere, so, I'll just go now" she said as she turned to run away.

"Not so fast Tsunade" Jiraiya said. "I'm actually glad I met up with you. I need to talk with you about leaving the bathhouse without me dismissing you"

"Needing your permission to leave wasn't part of the bet" Tsunade shot back angrily. "Besides, you were drunk and out cold, so there wasn't a reason to stay"

"You could've stayed to wake me up before the bathhouse owner hit me on the head with a wine bottle to wake me up" Jiraiya said.

"It's bad enough I had to spend all the time that I did sitting in a bath and seeing you naked" Tsunade grimaced at the thought. "Beside, you owe me. I saved your life. You passed out from all the wine and fell into the water. I could've, and probably should've, let you drown. It would've done everyone a favor"

"I did?" Jiraiya said. "Well… that still doesn't make up for leaving and breaking the bet conditions"

"Yeah, you're right" Tsunade said angrily. "Your life isn't worth breaking bet conditions"

"I could tell the village about the bet" he threatened.

"You couldn't if…" she started.

"If what?" he questioned.

"If I kill you" Tsunade said with a devious grin.

"You wouldn't" Jiraiya said uncertainly, taking a step backward.

"Do you really want to risk that?" Tsunade said. "You know what I'm capable of"

"If you were going to kill me, why didn't you just let me drown" he asked, taking another step backward.

"Don't think that didn't cross my mind, because it did" she said. "It would've been too suspicious if you were found dead and they had evidence that I was the only one around then"

_Being on Tsunade's bad side is the last thing anyone, especially me, wants_ Jiraiya thought. _Maybe I can get another date though…_

"Well, suppose I don't tell" Jiraiya said. "What will you do for me"

"What, letting you live isn't enough for you?" she said. "Well, I guess I could buy you a drink at the bar tonight at 8:00"

"As long as you stay and have a drink too" he bargained.

"Fine" Tsunade agreed. "But if you touch me or say anything about the bet, I'll fulfill my threat"

"All right" Jiraiya said. "It's a date then"

Jiraiya ran past Tsunade at top speed back toward the village.

"IT'S NOT A DATE!" Tsunade yelled after him.

* * *

At 7:45 Tsunade met Jiraiya at a table inside the bar. He had red marks all over him. 

"What happened to you?" Tsunade asked, trying to stifle her laughter.

"I knocked over a beehive in the woods and the bees chased me. Then after we made date…I mean _meeting_ plans and I ran away from you, I kind of …tripped over the beehive again" Jiraiya said, wincing as he sat down.

Tsunade burst into uncontrollable laughter for a few minutes.

After Tsunade got her laughter under control, she said sourly "Well, you're usually late. I guess this is an improvement. I would've preferred that you didn't come at all though"

"I was just so excited about tonight" Jiraiya said. He got up, wincing, and pulled a chair out for Tsunade to sit down. Then he sat back down.

"I see you're playing the gentleman's card tonight" she said. "You're just trying to get on my good side"

_What is she? Psychic?_ Jiraiya thought.

"No, I just wanted to be nice" he said.

"Yeah, right" Tsunade said sarcastically. "I know you were, and still are, scared of my threat".

"Well…that too" he admitted.

"Well, at least you are being honest" she said. She stood up and started walking to the bar to order a drink. Jiraiya jumped up out of his chair and stood in front of her.

"Let me get you a drink" he offered. "You just stay here".

Jiraiya hurried up to the bar and ordered two beers. He brought them back to the table.

_Why is he being a gentleman tonight?_ Tsunade thought. _He's never acted like this before, at least not to me. I wonder what his angle is…_

"How is you beer?" Jiraiya asked.

"It's fine" Tsunade said, confused. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh…I was just wondering" he said.

They were both silent for a moment.

"Why are you being so nice to me tonight?" Tsunade asked. "Tell me the truth this time"

"I…well…I don't want the story of me passing out in the bathhouse and being kicked out by the owner getting out" Jiraiya said quietly.

"Well, I think I can help prevent that" Tsunade said. "I will, of course, want the bet conditions and the bathhouse events kept secret though"

"Done!" he said, overjoyed. "You've got yourself a deal"

"Lovely" she said, grinning.

_Good_ she thought. _This means I won't have to get my hands dirty._

They finished their beers and left the bar at 9:00. Jiraiya went to the room he rented at an inn and Tsunade went to her house. They fell asleep instantly, satisfied with their agreement.

* * *

Tsunade woke up at 10:00 the next morning. She stretched and got out of bed. Tsunade got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. She made some eggs and toast. She wanted to make some coffee, but when she opened the container it was empty. 

_Crap! I need coffee! _Tsunade thought desperately_. I'll go to the café this morning, and then buy some coffee at the store for tomorrow morning._

Tsunade left the house and walked to the café. She sat down at a small table and ordered a cup of coffee. The waitress brought it to the table and walked away to tend to another customer. Tsunade sipped her coffee and looked out the front window. Her gaze shifted to the door as somebody came in. She almost gagged on the next sip of coffee when she realized who just came in. Jiraiya was leading a young lady over to a table near where Tsunade was sitting. They sat down and the waitress took their orders. The waitress brought Jiraiya a cup of black coffee and his lady friend a cup of tea. They sipped their drinks for a while. Tsunade looked at them out of the corner of her eye.

_He hasn't changed a bit_ Tsunade thought with a small laugh. _He's still such a pervert! I'd hoped this bet experience would make him change his ways, but apparently not…_

Jiraiya and the young lady started talking. Tsunade overheard bits and pieces of their conversation. The young lady flirted a bit with Jiraiya. Then Tsunade heard something she couldn't ignore.

"Are you good at poker?" he asked.

"Yes" the young lady said. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering if you wanted to play poker with my friends and I sometime" Jiraiya said offhandedly. "It would be fun. More interesting than the last time I played anyway"

"What happened last time?" she asked.

"The lady my friend and I were playing poker with lost" Jiraiya said. "I made a bet with her. If I won she had to take a bath with me. I'm talking naked in the water right next to me! Anyway, I got drunk and she left. The bathhouse owner woke me up by hitting me on the head with a wine bottle!"

Jiraiya took a sip of his coffee. He didn't notice the angry glare in his lady friend's eyes. He continues with the story.

"Let me tell you, being hit on the head with a wine bottle hurts worse that usual when you had a hangover!" Jiraiya exclaimed loudly. "Anyway, the lady and I met up and agreed to keep the bet a secret"

"Is that so?" the young lady questioned.

"Yeah" Jiraiya said. "You wouldn't believe who the lady was!"

"Who was she?" the young lady asked as she finished her tea and stood up, hands on her hips.

"She was Tsun…" Jiraiya said.

At that moment Tsunade stormed over to Jiraiya and punched him as hard as she could.

"Ow! I think you broke my nose!" Jiraiya howled, his eyes watering. Blood streamed out of his nose.

"I'LL DO MORE THAN THAT, YOU PREVERT!" the young lady yelled. She punched Jiraiya in the stomach. He doubled over, coughing. "You were only asking me to play just so you'd have a chance to fulfill one of your twisted fantasies again!"

The young lady stormed out of the café. The café's inhabitants, except Tsunade, watched her leave. Then they turned to look back at Jiraiya. He had stopped coughing, but his nose was still bleeding. Tsunade glared at him.

"Tsunade, what a surprise!" Jiraiya said nervously. "What's up?"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S UP!" Tsunade yelled. "WE AGREED JUST LAST NIGHT TO KEEP THE BET A SECRET! WHAT DO YOU DO TODAY? YOU TELL SOME GIRL!"

"Ahh, well…about that…" Jiraiya stuttered out.

"I'LL KILL YOU!!!!" Tsunade yelled.

Jiraiya ran out of the café and down the street. Tsunade followed him. People in the streets watched them pass. Jiraiya cried out for help.


End file.
